


Growing Up

by lordjohnmarbury



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 00:08:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18767149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjohnmarbury/pseuds/lordjohnmarbury
Summary: Leo watches Josh growing up: vignettes from 1968-2000.





	Growing Up

December 1968  
Leo hoisted the large box up so that it was resting more securely under his arm before raising his other hand and knocking at the door. He noticed that unlike the other houses on the suburban street there wasn’t a Christmas wreath hanging on the door, but instead a menorah could be seen glowing from a window.   
The door opened and Leo was greeting by a smiling man with twinkling dark brown eyes.  
“Leo!” the man cried affectionately, pulling him into a hug. “How are you? It’s great to see you! Come on in, it’s pretty darn freezing out.”  
“I’m good, Noah.” Leo grinned back at his old friend as he stepped inside and started unwrapping his scarf one-handedly. He held up the big box. “Here, I’ve got a Hanukkah present for the kids.”  
“Well, I’m sure you’ll receive a warm welcome from the pair of them, then. How’s Mallory? I’ll go get you her Christmas present in a minute.”  
“She’s fine. Started teething, so she’s been giving me and Jenny a bit of grief about that, but otherwise she’s good. Here—“ Leo pulled out his wallet as they walked through to the Lyman’s living room. He handed Noah a photograph of a grinning round-faced, auburn haired baby. Noah smiled, but before he could respond, a shout carried out from the living room.  
“DADDY!”  
“Just coming, Joshua.” Noah called back. “I’ve got Leo with me!” He pushed open the living room door, and Leo staggered a step backwards as a little boy charged at him, hugging him tightly around the waist.  
“LEO!” Josh cried happily as he beamed up at him. Leo couldn’t help grin back, not just at the little boy’s boundless energy and enthusiasm, but also at just how scarily similar he looked like Noah. The eyes shining up at him and the dimpled smile were practically identical. The only difference really was that Josh’s eyes were more hazel than Noah’s deep chocolate, and while Noah’s dark hair was thinning and his hairline receding, Josh had a thick mop of wavy chestnut colored hair.   
“Hey kid.” Leo bent down so that he was on an eye-level with the boy. “How’s it going?”   
“Fine. Can I open my presents yet?” Josh said, looking eagerly up at Noah. “You said we had to wait until Uncle Leo was here and now he is.”  
“Don’t be so impatient.” a teenage girl tutted from the other side of the living room. She had long, almost waist length, dark hair that, unlike her brother’s unruly mass, fell in neat waves. Her eyes were the same dark brown as her father’s, and she too had dimples, but her sweet heart-shaped face was all her mother’s.   
“Hi, Joanie. Speaking of presents, I may have a little something here for you two…” Leo held out the big box he’d been carrying.   
“Awesome!” Josh shouted excitedly and launched himself at the box.

*  
November 1969  
“Hi, Leo.” Noah opened to door to his oldest friend. “Thanks for making the trip up. We appreciate it.” They hugged tightly.  
“How are you?” Leo asked seriously. His friend’s face looked drawn and tired. Noah just shrugged. Leo noticed that he was no longer wearing a yarmulke. He supposed that what happened would have tested even the most devout of believers.  
“Are you sure Jenny doesn’t mind you not spending Thanksgiving with her?”  
“No, she’s gone up to Boston to her parents. They want to see Mallory; they definitely won’t be missing me.” Noah gave a small smile as they headed into the house. Leo wasn’t sure whether to make a comment about the new house. It was a nice place, but it wasn’t like the Lymans had chosen to live there, and Leo worried that it would be an uncomfortable subject. As they headed into the living room, Leo noticed that all the furniture was new. Clearly not much had survived the fire.  
“Hey, Josh.” Leo called gently to the little boy curled in an armchair, reading. He looked up tentatively, and it broke Leo’s heart to see that the bubbly boy he had last seen less than a year ago so quiet and haunted. Josh didn’t reply, so Leo approached slowly and crouched down by his chair.  
“Whatcha reading, kid?”  
Josh raised the book so that Leo could see the cover. It was The Lord of the Rings.  
“Wow, that’s a pretty grown up book you’re reading!” Leo said, genuinely impressed. “How old are you now, kid?”  
“Eight.” Josh mumbled, keeping his gaze fixed on the page in front of him.  
“Wow,” Leo said again, “I don’t think I read The Lord of the Rings until I was a teenager. You must be a pretty smart kid, because I’m pretty smart myself, y’know.” He was hoping to make Josh smile, but didn’t succeed. He ruffled the boy’s thick hair. “I’m just going to say hi to your mom, ok?”  
Leo walked into the kitchen where Noah and Rita were standing.  
“He’s not handling it too good?” It was half a question, half a statement. Noah shook his head sadly.   
“He blames himself, you know.”  
“What?”  
“He escaped from the fire and she… she didn’t.” He sighed a deep, weary sigh, full of sadness that Leo couldn’t even begin to comprehend. “He used to be so lively. He drove us all mad with his antics, but we never minded, really. But now…” Noah trailed off.  
“How is he finding school? It might be he comes out of his shell a bit there.” Leo suggested, but Rita shook her head.  
“His teachers are worried about him. He’s still doing well academically- he always has- but he’s just as withdrawn as he is at home. He’s stopped talking to his friends, playing at recess—“ Rita wiped angrily at the tear running down her cheek.   
Leo glanced back through the door to the living room where Josh was still quietly sitting. He didn’t know what to say.

*  
August 1978  
Leo paused before knocking on the door of the Lyman’s house. He hadn’t seen his friend for close to 9 years, and he knew that it was all his fault. Leo knew he could have, should have, visited. He knew that he was always welcome at Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, or for no occasion at all. His friend would have appreciated his presence, Leo knew that, especially after Joanie’s death. But Leo found more and more of his holidays, then weekends and evenings slipping away with a bottle of scotch. He hated how he’d rather spend a night seeing away a bottle of vodka than seeing his oldest friend. But Leo was an alcoholic and life wasn’t that simple. It was only when he heard the news that Noah had been diagnosed with cancer that knew he had to, finally, after all these years, make a trip to Connecticut.   
It was Rita who answered the door. She looked a lot older.   
“Hi, Leo!” she smiled. He was hugely relieved that she didn’t seem angry with him. He would have deserved it. He had abandoned his friend- her husband- during a time when he would have needed Leo most.   
“Hi, Rita. It’s great to see you.”  
“Noah’s just resting a bit in the living room,” she told him as they headed down the hall. It looked almost exactly the same as when he had last been here. They went into the living room and Leo saw that Noah was lying down on the couch. He looked thin and pale and sick, but sat up when he saw Leo come in.  
“I’ve missed you, Leo,” Noah smiled.  
“I’ve missed you, too.”

Leo was relieved to find that he was able to chat to his friend just like old times. Well, almost. There had been a couple of awkward moments where they’d discussed the cancer. Leo felt uncomfortable broaching the subject, but was at least a little reassured when Noah assured him that it was definitely in remission.   
After about half an hour of chatting, Leo heard pounding feet on the stairs and seconds later a teenager entered the room.  
“Josh, you remember Leo McGarry, don’t you?” Noah said.  
Josh nodded. “Well, I remember the great Hanukkah presents more than anything,” he grinned, and Leo saw that his dimples were still present in full force. In fact, Josh still looked an awful lot like the child he’d used to visit, maybe just a little less round-faced. He had certainly grown up physically, though: as tall as his father, and sporting a tight fitting shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal muscular arms.   
“Hah, who says you can’t buy affection!” Noah laughed. “I think I’m going to go upstairs and take a nap,” he said apologetically to Leo. “Are you ok talking to Josh for a bit?”  
“Of course,” Leo nodded his understanding as Noah slowly left the room.  
“How are you, Josh? You sure have grown since the last time I saw you. What are you, going into your junior or senior year of high school now?”  
“Senior year.”  
“Have you taken your SAT yet? What are your plans for college?” Leo asked curiously, remembering how Josh had been reading the Lord of the Rings when he was only 7 or 8, and wondering whether he was still as smart as he had seemed as a kid.  
“My first choice is Harvard. I got 760 on the verbal,” Josh said smugly. Wow. Clearly he was as clever as Leo had remembered.   
“Any idea what you want to major in?”  
“Politics, probably,” Josh said.   
“You want to be a politician?”   
“I think want to work in politics,” Josh said seriously. “But I’m not sure about being a politician.”  
“I have some friends in DC who I can set you up for an internship, if you’d be interested.” Leo offered.  
“Yeah, thanks, that would be great!” Josh beamed at Leo before they fell silent.  
“So, how are you finding things… I mean, with you dad being ill?” Leo asked tentatively. Josh at first glance seemed an awful lot more confident and upbeat than the troubled child he had last seen, but Leo could tell there was still sadness and worry underneath the façade.   
Josh paused, and looked Leo in the eye before answering.  
“It’s… stressful. Just worrying all the time, you know?“ He broke off, looking a little embarrassed that he’d revealed that much. “But, um, he’s getting better, so, you know, it’s fine really.”  
Leo felt his heart ache with sadness and sympathy. He could tell from the little that Josh had been willing to say that he was scared and wished bitterly for the millionth time that he had been there for the Lymans. 

*   
June 1983  
“He’s worked so hard for this, Leo,” Noah told his friend as they sat together in wicker chairs in the backyard, enjoying the warm early summer sun. “Freshman year, I worried a bit, because he didn’t really apply himself. Did stupid things—“  
“Partying?” Leo asked curiously.  
“Not even that- dumb pranks like enrolling a fish in classes, and god knows what else. But then he did that internship on the Hill over the summer vacation, and he suddenly was so driven. He’d always thought he wanted to work in politics, but from then on, he knew. He started working hard because he knew what he wanted to do and how to get there. And sadly, that means that I can’t kid myself his reason for studying law is because he wants to follow in my footsteps. Law is just the next stepping stone in his career in politics.”  
“Well, if he has the ambition and dedication, he’s halfway there in politics,” Leo smiled.   
“Oh yeah, what’s the other half?” Noah asked.  
“Charming and backstabbing.” Leo deadpanned.

As Noah sat chuckling, Leo looked up and noticed Josh was walking out of the house towards them.   
“Leo! Hi!” he called. Leo got out of his chair to embrace Josh in a warm hug. Even though Josh was now about 5 inches taller than Leo, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the mop-haired child throwing himself at Leo all those years ago.   
“Congratulations, Harvard grad!” Leo grinned up at him.   
“Thanks, Leo. Hey, did my dad mention that I’m going to be spending the summer in D.C.? Congressman Brennan offered me an internship, so I’ll be just round the block from your office.”  
“That’s great, Josh. I’ll take you out for lunch sometime.”  
Noah smiled up at his son and old friend with a twinkle in his eye. “At the very least it’ll help put your mother’s mind at ease that you’re getting at least one meal that isn’t ramen noodles while you’re there.”

*  
August 1983  
“I gotta get back to work,” Leo sighed, checking his watch as the waitress cleared their table. “Tell your mom I said hi. I expect I’ll see your dad when I’m in New York for a conference next week.”  
Josh nodded.  
“I will. Thanks again for the meal. This kind of place definitely wouldn’t usually be within my internship budget.” He gestured around at the fancy restaurant.  
The pair of them made their way out of the restaurant and Leo began scanning the street for a taxi to hail.   
“Hey, Sam!” Leo turned around at the sound of Josh’s shout to see him waving at another young man who was walking down the street towards them. Josh wrapped his arms around him in his characteristic bear hug, before dragging him over to Leo with an excited expression on his face.   
“Sam, this is Leo McGarry, you remember me telling you about him? The attorney who used to work with my dad?” Josh beamed.  
“It’s an honour to meet you, sir.” Sam held out his hand. He looked younger even than Josh, but despite this Leo was struck by the quiet confidence behind his bright blue eyes. “Josh speaks very highly of you.”  
“Leo, this is Sam Seaborn,” Josh explained. “He’s an intern at the DCCC. We’ve been working together on Congressman Brennan’s reelection campaign.”  
“Pleased to meet you, Sam.” Leo returned the handshake as a taxi pulled up beside him. He said hasty goodbyes to Josh and Sam as he got in and slammed the door. Looking back over his shoulder as the cab pulled away, he watched the two young men’s retreating backs, their hands brushing slightly against each other as they moved. Leo sat back in his seat, a small smile coming to his face. He couldn’t but help be reminded of himself and Noah.

*  
October 1997  
“Please say that you’re here to deliver me a turkey sub and some form of caffeine,” Leo called as the door opened, not even bothering to look round, knowing that it was Margaret. “And not another meeting with someone I have no desire to talk to, let alone beg for money.”  
“Josh is here to see you. So no begging for money, but I can only presume that he falls into the category of people you have no desire to talk to.” Leo heard Josh make an indignant noise from the hallway.   
“Send him in,” Leo sighed, knowing that his sandwich would have to wait for another half an hour. Or another couple of hours, depending on how badly Josh had screwed up whatever he was doing.  
Josh entered the room and Leo sighed again internally, his suspicions seemingly confirmed. Josh was even more fidgety than usual, his eyes darting around the room and his feet tapping. He only acted this edgy when about to confess a fuck up.  
“Leo, I just wanted to start by saying how grateful I am for you bringing me on to this campaign. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, working for Hoynes… Governor Bartlet is the real thing.” He looked down at the tightly clasped hands in his lap, unable to make eye contact with Leo. Whatever he had done, it was clearly something big. “And I think if this is the real thing- which it is- and if I’m going to take this seriously- which I am- then I need to be, uh, totally transparent and honest with you.”  
“What’s going on, Josh?” Leo shook his head with confusion.  
“I… I have something to tell you. And I know it’s going to hurt the campaign if it comes out but I swear I’ll do everything I can to protect the campaign and the Governor, and if that means resigning then I- I’m willing to do that.”  
“What the hell have you done, Josh?”   
“I don’t know how else to put it. I…” Josh swallowed, tipping his head back and staring up at the ceiling before finally bringing his gaze to meet Leo’s. Leo was shocked to see tears welling in his deputy’s eyes.  
“It’s ok, Josh,” Leo said, his voice now much softer. There was only one thing that he could think that this would be about, and his own hands began to shake as the thought rushed into his head. He knew that alcoholism was hereditary and Noah had been through his own struggles too. Hell, that was part of what had brought them together- first as drinking buddies and later as companions in sobriety. But he never would have imagined that the curly haired little boy he had seen grown up over the years would grow up to be an alcoholic, too.  
“There are support groups for guys like us in DC,” Leo said quietly. “Everyone is very discreet and the twelve steps really do work. It wasn’t a career ender for me, and it doesn’t have to be for you.”  
“The twelve steps?” Josh furrowed his brow, before raising his eyebrows in a moment of realisation. “No, no, Leo, I’m not an alcoholic. I’m gay.”  
Wait, what?  
“Oh.” Leo was so confused by this sudden change from the direction he’d thought the conversation was going in that he wasn’t able to say anything else. He watched Josh’s face fall, worry and nervousness etched all over it and realised that he should probably elaborate.   
“Look, kid, I won’t pretend that you’re making things easy for yourself, picking politics as your career path. There’s going to be a lot of people out there- Republicans, the press, hell, even other Democrats- who are gunning for us and will try to tear you apart if this comes out. But I want you to know that I’ll always have your back.” Leo paused and cleared his throat. “And not just because you’re damned good at your job and I don’t know what the hell we’d do without you. I promised Noah I’d look out for you and I don’t plan on breaking that promise any time soon.”

*  
May 2000  
Josh is lying in a hospital bed, with a bullet wound in his chest, and even if his whispered _what’s next_ to the President elicits a smile of relief from Leo, that doesn’t change the fact that Josh is lying in a hospital bed with a bullet wound in his chest. As the President strokes back Josh’s hair, Leo wraps his fingers around Josh’s clammy hand, carefully avoiding the IV taped to the back of it. Leo had been raised Catholic so he knew all about guilt, but the engulfing, suffocating guilt he felt right now was unlike nothing he’d ever experienced before. He was the one who had persuaded Jed to run for President in the first place- he sure as hell wouldn’t have been shot by white supremacists if he’d stayed at home in New Hampshire- and he was the one who had promised Noah Lyman that he’d keep his only son safe. Leo had broken that promise. 

Leo was shaken out of his brooding by the President beginning to move slowly towards the door. He looked up and saw through the glass panel that Sam and CJ were hovering anxiously, peering through the glass at their barely conscious friend.   
As CJ and President Bartlet hugged- the President telling her what Josh had said and CJ laughing weakly, Leo watched Sam slip through into the recovery room. The younger man crouched down beside Josh’s bed, his handsome face crumpled with emotion, tears running down his cheeks. He clutched one of Josh’s hands with both of his own, and leaned in as the President had done to hear Josh’s hoarse whisper. 

From the other side of the door, Leo couldn’t hear what Sam said in reply, definitely couldn’t hear what Josh was saying. And he was nowhere close to Joey Lucas when it came to lip reading ability, but there was no mistaking the three words Sam was mouthing or the look of adoration on his face as he gazed down at Josh. And god only knew what kind of troubles this could cause the administration, but as Sam bent over, resting his forehead against Josh’s, and as Josh’s eyes closed with an expression of peacefulness Leo wasn’t sure he had ever seen before, Leo felt a little of the guilty weight crushing him lift.


End file.
